I miss my first love so much it hurts3/29/2024 It’s more cautious and protective than the bubbly person who used to use it.īecause see, when I’m talking about missing you, I’m not lying. She has a voice that is more purposeful, more self-sufficient. Curvier in places, softer in places, harder in more. That only comes out when I’m done with spouting bullshit, with painting pretty pictures for the internet, with trying so valiantly to be the personification of the ‘cool girl’ I desperately want to be, I’ll be honest and say…that I don’t know if I’m myself these days.īut I don’t fully recognize this version. If I’m being the kind of honest that only comes out in therapy. And so I sit in my own misery, attempt to wrap myself around my knees, my chest, my arms, myself, and try to squash out how it feels to miss you. I sit there, sprawled out in a bed that use to encase us both, in sweatpants I never gave back, in a body I at times do not recognize, and I miss the way it felt to have you wrapped all around me. Sometimes, when it’s late at night and I can’t sleep and leaving Netflix on for just another minute feels like too much, I start to miss you.
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